Friday, February 11, 2005

Love at Last Sight

Walter Benjamin: "the delight of the city-dweller is not so much love at first sight as love at last sight”. A select few, can encounter gendered epiphanies, were for an instant all time is suspended within the eyes and face of the other. I have always been blessed (or cursed) with the “love at last sight” syndrome in various European cities (Venice, London, Amsterdam, Geneva etc..) and the process is fascinating, magical in its expression…

It is always unexpected, one is always taken by surprise, no plan or intentionality can prepare such an event: a singularity out of the statistical crowd of indifference - a smile or a glance for no reason other than attraction. “Like a rose without a why”

The world, the crowd, is suspended out of time by the eyes of the other…windows of the soul…and then of course, the fall back into time (matter) the economic alarm bell starts ringing: the unholy trinity of fear (rejection, dangerous etc…) inhibition (what will she/he think, I can’t because…it is not the thing to do…and other character defences…) and doubt (to young, to old, to handsome, to beautiful, tooooooo.... ) takes over…the economy of order, exchange and equivalences starts again.

And it has happened again although this time it is more like staring into the eyes of an abyss. Attraction mingles with fear no doubt. Maybe she feels intimidated or shy or her defence mechanisms are going ballistic…I am much older …maybe she feels…whatever ????????

Since I have seen her a few time, maybe it will be a case of “love at last sight” turning into “love at first sight” you never know with the Chaosmos… I am not very good at small talk or so called pick-up lines but as they say it takes two to tango, courage and authenticity (i.e. not playing games) needs to be on both sides… on the other hand one could leave it all suspended….dreaming in the virtual reflection of our eyes the “what it would be like to be together”…for surely both of us must know that realising a virtuality, a “vitalism” or “spirit” can only end in disaster or in the best of cases boredom…but maybe ecstasy of undreamed proportion and magnitude awaits… there are no rules.. neither optimism or pessimism… such is the Chaosmos…alternatively I could drop an E have the ecstasy without the object, LOVE AS A CHEMICAL without last or first sight to trouble the waters… but even here one needs to find the authentic object: pure 100% MDMA is as difficult to find as love or unbridled eroticism….